this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
