i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
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Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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