i already hear my dad disowning me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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