a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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