I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
