OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Did I show you my penis last night?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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