I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
