i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
