every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
