I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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