Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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