I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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