please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
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Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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