i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
