so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
