i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
