can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
