Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
