im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
