It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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