Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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