I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
