so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
