Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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