There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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