drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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