you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize