Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
