I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
