Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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