do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
