Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize