I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
