i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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