I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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