walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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