he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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