I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
