Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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