Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
