eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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