shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
where are you?
Hypothermia
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize