I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
