I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
