i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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