sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
