I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
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Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
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We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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