I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
