all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
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on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
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Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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