Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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