I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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