why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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