How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
