She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
