Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
